The Music Soundtrack In My Head: A Conversation With My Ex

I wanted to post this yesterday, but I was really drained from spending the day with my Ex. She wanted to talk, so we met on Sunday for some drinks.

She was her usual self, kind of bubbly, and not so much in her head. Actually, she was a little strange. I think I made her feel uncomfortable. It's like we were out on our first date again. Anyway, the conversation began with small talk. Then, after we had a little more to drink, she started talking about how bad she felt about what she'd done to me. She confessed how she didn't want things to be the way they are. She was sad and remorseful, and sounded like she was confessing her sins in church. I listened to her, but she sounded so out of touch with herself. Finally, I asked her what the h*ll she was talking about because she wasn't making any sense. The conversation went something like this…

Me: I know you feel bad, but you continued to lie to me for over 2 years. Why, all of a sudden, a change of heart?

My Ex: Because I know what I have lost. Things are not the same without you. My life doesn't work without you. (Really, now you freakin' see it?) It's not the same. I don't know what I have done? I made a mistake. I’m so sorry.

(Ok, I better have another drink, I thought to myself.)

My Ex: I need to tell you something, but I don't want you to think that I'm crazy.

Me: OK.

My Ex: Well, I am a bad person, and I don't deserve you to even be sitting here with me, but the whole time that I lied and did all that bad stuff, there was a music soundtrack that kept going off in my head.

(I looked at her with utter dismay, thinking holy freakin' crap.)

Me: What did you say, a soundtrack?

My Ex: Yeah, one song in particular by Celine Dion called "Je Danse Dans Ma Tete" + some random Radiohead songs.

Me: Oh, I see. So, you are trying to tell me the voices, sorry, the songs, in your head made you perpetuate this freakin' disaster and mockery that you made of our love and my life? The music made you do it?

My Ex: Please, don't laugh. (How could I not laugh? This was the most insane thing I'd ever heard.)

Me: Hold on, let's get another drink.


So, as we drank, and she continued to explain herself & profess how much she cared and loved me, I couldn't stop thinking about how crazy it all sounded. Our relationship came to an end because Celine Dion and Radiohead made her do it?

JB